When Everything Is A Lie
by Neon Star
Summary: Obi-wan has been betrayed and hurt by his Master. Massive AU, Obi-wan's POV.
1.

No, I don't own SW. But I might as well play with it! ;) Okay, is AU, very AU. Obi-wan's POV the entire way as well. Abusive, cruel, angst, all here. Enjoy!  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When Everything Is A Lie  
  
Everything is hazy, painful. All I can make out is blurry images and lights. Master? Master, where are you? Wait, something happened.... Something involving Master. What was it? Were we in a wreck? Were we attacked? Why can't I remember? Master? Where are you? I am scared... Why do I hurt, why can't I see well, why does my throat feel like its been crushed? Master? Where are you?  
  
"By the Force! What happened to him?!" exclaims a seemingly female voice to my left.  
  
"His Master attacked him, beat him pretty badly. The most damage is to his neck..." a male voice answers from my right.  
  
I tune out what he says next, since I am in too much pain to want to know. Disbelief floods within me, threatening to drown my soul. My Master wouldn't do that! He has been harsh in words to me before, but never had he raised his hand against me! He wouldn't hurt me! How did they know! He wouldn't do that! Master, please, tell them you wouldn't! Tell them!  
  
"He's struggling! Don't let him hurt himself! Padawan Kenobi, calm down!" a voice orders to my left.  
  
No! My Master would not hurt me! You're lying! I won't calm down, not until I see my Master!  
  
"Give me the hypo, we can't let him hurt himself more!" another voice orders to my left.  
  
I feel the sting and I am trying to will the drug from my system. But I am too weak, and I can feel myself going under.  
  
Master,.... Where....are....you? 


	2. 

Thanks so much for all the reviews! Sorry it took me so long! I would have had this up sooner, but I got banned.   
*~*~*~*~*~*  
Consciousness is returning to me, and with it, a type of numbed pain. I am looking around, trying to find what has disturbed me. I feel so tired and my memory is starting to revive itself. I can remember hearing what the doctor had said, that my Master had attacked me. But I can't, no, I won't believe it! My Master would not hurt me! I know he wouldn't!  
  
"Let me see my Padawan!" I can hear a voice roaring from the hall, and I know it's my Master.  
  
Something inside me fears him, but I do not know why. He couldn't have harmed me, he loves me like his son, he told me so, and I have felt him. He is the only Father I have known. He wouldn't hurt me. So I am trying to shove that fear away.   
  
I can see him in the hall, struggling against two temple guards.  
  
"Let him in!" I try to yell, but it's coming out more like a garbled message.  
  
But they seemed to have gotten the meaning for they let my Master approach. He comes to my bedside and takes my beaten hand in his own.  
  
"Dear, Obi-wan. I am so sorry I did this to you," he whispers.  
  
I search his sapphire blue eyes for a lie. No, no, he couldn't have!  
  
"I knew my anger would be the death of me. But I didn't believe I would hurt you. I only hope you can forgive me," he continues.  
  
No! No! Don't say it! Don't confess, Master, say you didn't do it! Please!  
  
"I am sorry I hurt you so badly, dear Obi-wan. I am relinquishing my duties reluctantly by the Council's demands. I only hope another will take you," he finishes.  
  
My heart breaks. NO! Master, you can't do this to me! You just lost control for a moment, we can fix it! Please, we have been Master and Padawan, Father and Son, for too long, don't leave me! Tears are streaming down my face, and I try to protest, but the words won't come from my mouth.  
  
He seems to understand anyway and smiles sadly.  
  
"It's too late to try, Padawan. This is for the best," he whispers.  
  
Suddenly I feel a tearing in my mind. I grasp hold of the bond that he is trying to dissolve, trying to protect it. But he wins in the end, and the bond dissolves from my grasp. No!  
  
"I am sorry, Obi-wan. This had to be," he says softly, touching my check gently for a moment, and then turning to leave.   
  
I suddenly see a flash; I think you could call it a vision, of him standing before me, clothed in black, his black hair flying in the wind and his hand reaching out to me.  
  
I then snap back to the present in time to see him leave and my heart shatters within me, and my tears fall like rain upon a broken land. I am now truly alone.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I want to die! My Master has done away with me, and I am worthless! I could have forgiven him, if he would have taken me back. I can still forgive, if only he would come back. But he won't, I know he won't. It's all my fault.  
  
I close my eyes in sorrow, for it is too much. The sadness and loneliness is threatening to drown my soul.   
  
"Kenobi?" a male voice asks as I hear someone enter the room.  
  
I nod, not caring who it is.  
  
"Would you please open your eyes and look at me?" the voice asks, a little strictly.  
  
I sigh, and open my eyes. I do not know him, but he seems to know me. He is almost as tall as my Master, (Oh, Master!), has midnight blue eyes, and long brown hair with a neat brown beard. He looks intimidating, except for that slightly gentle look in his dark eyes.  
  
"Who are you?" I manage to push out of my sore throat.  
  
"That is not to be known now. I am here to help you, and in turn, you will be helping me," he says.  
  
"Why help me? I am worthless," I mummer.  
  
"No life is worthless, young Kenobi. Now, I am here to help you because the Council ordered it, so that we may fix our separate problems. I suggest you be well rested when I return tomorrow," he says, and leaves.  
  
I have a bad feeling about this..... 


	3. 

I open my eyes to find that the brown haired man is back, and looking even colder then last time. This is what the Council sent me? A cold man that seems to hate the idea of having anything to do with me. Wonderful, can't they see I am depressed enough as it is!  
  
He is getting up and coming over here, a slight frown upon his face.   
  
"How deeply did he hurt you?" he asks.  
  
Now that is an interesting question, no more then I deserved, really. "How do you mean, Knight....." I trail off, unsure of how to address him.  
  
"You shall address me as Eoin for now, since I know it might cause you a bit of discomfort to call me Master," he says.  
  
I wince slightly at the word, images of my lost Master coming to my mind.  
  
"I mean emotionally, Kenobi, the Healers have informed me of your physical condition. I surprised that you survived the attack," he says.  
  
I laugh weakly, bitterly, "My Master did not attack me, and he just punished me a little bit."  
  
"So this punishment consisted of both legs being broken, your right arm nearly being shattered, your jaw unhinged, a few lost teeth, five ribs broken which punctured both lungs, and your throat nearly being crushed while your spin and heart are weakened from the stress. That was a punishment to you, and you think you deserved it?" he asks.  
  
My Master did all of that to me. I can't even imagine.... It's scares me.  
  
:"How long was I out?" I ask.  
  
"Two weeks, in and out of a coma. Now, do you think you deserved it?" he asks.  
  
My thoughts are in a whirl. My Master truly did all that! How? It's impossible! He loves me as his son; he wouldn't hurt me so badly! And yet, there is a piece of my heart that doubts.  
  
"I..I don't know," I say finally.   
  
I am so confused.  
  
"I shall give you time to think, young Kenobi. But I shall leave you with this advice. You didn't deserve that, no sentient deserves that," he says, and then leaves.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I am watching him now. He just came back in a few moments ago, and muttered something about having to spend at least two hours with me. Seems he has only spent thirty minutes. I am just going to love this guy. And I do mean that sarcastically. I fear I have started to grow a hard shell around my heart, especially after what he had told me about my Master. Oh, how could you, Master, I thought you loved me as one of your own.  
  
"What happened to my Master?" I ask aloud.  
  
"He was taken down to the lock ups. He shall be presented before the Council, and they shall decide his fate. It will either be life in prison or death," he says.  
  
I do still love my Master, my Father, even after what he has done. I do not wish him to die, but I wish him to be punished. So confusing....  
  
"Will you please keep your thoughts to yourself?" I hear him say.  
  
"What do you mean?" I ask.  
  
"I can hear your thoughts. Put your shields up or say them out loud," he snaps.  
  
I frown slightly and try to bring up my shields. Something is wrong! I can't! That has never happened before!  
  
"You can't get your shields up? Maybe you are too weak to do so yet. I shall help you," he says, and I feel him reaching into my mind.  
  
My mind is suddenly being flooded with pain. I can hear myself scream and I try to push him from my mind, but I seemed not to be able. I feel hands trying to keep me down and the pain increases, though I know he has withdrawn.  
  
"AHHHhhhh! Help me!" I scream.  
  
"I am trying! Grab onto my presence and use it to drive out the pain!" he orders.  
  
I reach out, and touch his presence. I feel him cry out slightly in pain, and nearly withdraw when I feel his thought in my mind.  
  
//Don't worry about me. Do it quickly!//  
  
I reach for his power, and banish the pain with it. I then succumb to the unconsciousness that is beckoning. 


	4. 

Thanks for the comments!  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
The first thing I feel as I make my way to consciousness is a slight warm pressure on my hand.   
  
"Master?" I mummer softly, and open my eyes.  
  
Everything is blurry, but it clears up pretty quick. I am now looking into the most concerned midnight blue eyes I have ever seen, on the very person I thought that hated me.  
  
"No, it's just me. How do you feel?" he asks.  
  
Did I just hear tenderness in that voice? Scary.  
  
"I have one Sith of a headache," I say softly.  
  
He laughs softly. Okay, who switched this guy around?  
  
"That would be expected, since I woke up with one myself," he says then his face darkens.  
  
"Obi-wan, I have to inform you. It seems the healers did not catch all of your injuries," he says softly.  
  
"What do you mean?" I ask, as I shiver slightly at the tone in his voice.  
  
"It seems your Master did damage to your mind as well as your body. You are unable to bring up your own shields or protect yourself from another's presence. He also set up something in there that makes it very painful for someone to enter in, perhaps to torment and to protect you," he says.  
  
Oh, Master, why did you do this to me?  
  
"Might I ask you a question?" he asks suddenly.  
  
"Sure," I agree.  
  
"Why do you still love him after all this, after all he has done to you?" he asks.  
  
I answer almost instantly, "Because he has been my Father for nearly six years. He took me in when no wanted me. He cared for and protected me against all odds. This is the first he ever hurt me. I feel betrayed, yes, and angry. But I shall always think of him as my Father, no matter what he has done to me."  
  
"You have a good heart, Obi-wan," he says softly.  
  
We sit in silence for a few moments. I finally decide to break it, some questions of my own bubbling up.  
  
"Can I ask you some questions?" I ask.  
  
"Go right ahead," he says.  
  
"Is Eoin your real name?" I ask.  
  
He smiles sadly, "Yes and no. It was a name given to me in my youth, before I came to the temple. I was given a new name when I arrived, and have gone by that since."  
  
"Why are you being nice all of a sudden?" I ask before I can think; great, now he'll get upset.  
  
But he isn't, he only smiles more, "I certainly was a arrogant man when I came in. I apologize for that. But after we connected for I few minutes, lets just say I saw something in you and in myself. I decided that it would be best to open up a little. Now, what else?" he asks as he lets go of my hand and gets up.  
  
"Are you leaving?" I ask, I suddenly don't want him to go.  
  
"I must. I have duties and our two hours are almost up. But go ahead and ask your question," he says.  
  
I hesitate to ask this but finally do, "Why do you need me to help you?"   
  
He stops and the smile fades from his face. He stands silent for a few minutes before answering, "I am dying, young one, and you are here to help me appreciate what little time I have."  
  
He then leaves me in shock, and walks out the door. 


	5. 5

He's back and I am glad he is. Still need more answers from him. But I am willing to wait, I don't want him to go cold on me again.  
  
"Well, Kenobi, we are finally going to get around to actually doing what I was sent here to do," he says.  
  
"And what would that be?" I ask.  
  
"First it was to help you control your pain while the healers started to work on your muscles, and help you with your emotions. But now with the mind problem, I am also going to be helping you remove the problem. But first, we have to get to the emotions," he says, sitting down in a chair beside the bed.  
  
"All right," I say, though I am a little worried about this.  
  
"Now, I know you love your Master, and you resent what he has done to you. But is there anything else?" he asks.  
  
I search inside myself, and touch upon something dark and brooding within me. Suddenly tears fill my eyes as a feel it fully.   
  
"Yes, oh, there is so much more then that. I hate him and yet I love him. I wish he had not hurt me so badly, yet I feel that I deserve it. I hate being alive, and yet I am too scared to die. I feel abandoned, lost, and alone! I feel stupid and unwanted, something everyone gets made at for no reason. I feel abused and used, and yet I think that I didn't have it so bad! But above all of it, I feel confusion and anger, and it scares me how horrifying that anger its!" I yell, letting all my emotions come tumbling out.  
  
I then break down and sob. Its too much, way too much for someone as young as I. I can't handle all of those emotions! Oh, Master, why did you do it this to me!  
  
I feel arms wrap around me, and a hand brushing through my spiky hair.  
  
"Shhhh, little one, I know, just let it out," I can hear Eoin say, and I do, because I can't hold it back any longer, and I don't regret what I feel.  
  
"You are wanted, little one, and you are not stupid, or abandoned. Your heart will need to heal with your mind and body, but you shall heal," Eoin whispers.  
  
I hope he is right, but right now I feel I shall never heal.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I finish my weeping after a while, and I must admit, I feel better, not by much, but I feel better.  
  
"Eoin?" I mummer, not wanting to move from his embrace just yet.  
  
I feel safe again, for the first time in a while. This is the safety I lost when my Master abused me. But I fear I am going to lose this as well.  
  
"Yes, little one?" he asks.  
  
"I want to know. How long do you have?" I ask, finally pulling away to look him in the eyes.  
  
He sighs softly, "You must understand what I am dying of. It is a rare disease, seemingly genetic. It slowly attacks all major organs, and eats away at the heart. They found out I had this nearly a year ago, and it seems they were too late to treat it. I only have maybe five years left to my life, maybe a few months more or less. But you don't need to worry," he said.  
  
"I didn't want to lose you too soon," I whisper.  
  
"Its all right, I won't be joining the Force too soon. But I think it best that if we are going to get on a better start with this time-share, I might as well stop hiding my name. As I said, my childhood name was Eion, but I now go by..." Eion is about to say when he is interrupted.  
  
"Jedi Master? We need you to do a few tests while you are here. Could you follow me?" a healer asks, sticking her head in.  
  
"I shall have to tell you later, I guess. Goodbye, Obi-wan," he says, gets up, and leaves.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
He is finally back, but he seems so pale and weak. I swear he looks like he is going to collapse. But I guess he is stronger then he looks, because he just sat down as graceful as ever.  
  
"What did they do to you?" I ask in alarm.  
  
He chuckles lightly, though it sounds slightly strained, "Just a few tests, nothing more. I am just a little tired. They suggested that I should go home and rest, but I wished to finish what I was going to say before they came for me," he says.  
  
"Yes, you were going to tell me your name," I say.  
  
"Of course, my name, Obi-wan, is Qui-gon Jinn," he says and smiles.  
  
I gap, it couldn't be!   
  
"[b]The[/b] best swordsman in the Temple, sir? Amazing!" I exclaim, and then calm myself.  
  
He chuckles again, a little more easily this time, "I thought you would have heard of me. But I wouldn't say I was the best."  
  
"But you are, or so I have heard, sir," I say.  
  
"You can't believe all that you hear. And none of this sir business, call me Eoin or call me Qui-gon. You are making me feel old by calling me sir," he says.  
  
"All right, Qui-gon," I say and smile.  
  
Suddenly something clicks in my mind. My Master rarely used his last name and I rarely heard it. I had almost forgotten it.  
  
"My Master's last name was Jinn," I comment softly.  
  
He sighs softly, "I know."   
  
"How?" I ask.  
  
"Because Xanatos Jinn," he pauses slightly, and I fear what he will say, "was my son."  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 


	6. 6

Sorry for the long wait. RL has been livid for the past couple of months, but expect more updates for a while. Thanks for the comments.  
  
  
I just gaped at him. This was my Master's Father! How?! Was this why he was acting like this to me, out of guilt for what his son had done?!  
  
"No, Obi-wan, I am not. I told you that when I saw the goodness in you, I had not the heart to be cruel to you. Besides, I disowned my son years ago," he sighs softly.  
  
"Why?" I ask.  
  
"It is a long story. My son and I had a disagreement, and he told me he never wished to be called a son of mine, so I obliged and disowned him. I hated it, and it hurt to know that I had disowned my only child, but he wished it. When I was diagnosed, the healers sent a message to him, but he could care less. I don't know how we got so far apart, though the start was both of our faults," he whispers.  
  
My heart aches for him, and I place my small hand upon his arm.  
  
"It seems that is was mostly he's fault. If you were my Father, I wouldn't let us drift apart," I say softly.  
  
He smiles sadly, and wraps an arm around my slender shoulders, giving them a little squeeze, "Thank you, Obi-wan. I wished my son had the same goodness as you have."   
  
We sat there for a moment in comfortable silence, when I felt a wave of weariness from Qui-gon.  
  
"You had better get some rest," I comment.  
  
"Now, is this a switch. The patient telling the Master to get some rest instead of the other way around," he chuckles then smiled gently at me, "I think I had better. I shall see you tomorrow, Obi-wan," he says.  
  
He then got up from his seat, and walks off. I hope he will be all right.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
"Easy, Obi-wan, take it slow," the healer warns as I try to apply pressure to the leg.  
  
It's been nearly two weeks since I first regained consciousness. They have finally taken the bacta casts off my legs, and I am now trying to stand up on my own. The healers warn that it may be too early, but I am sick of being stuck in this bed. I want to walk around.  
  
Ow, okay, one leg on the ground, now for the other. Ouch! Am I really sure that this is a good idea? Nope, but oh well.  
  
I wonder where Qui-gon is. He always comes to see me about this time. He promised he would be here early to watch me walk, or fall on my face as he had jokingly said. He seemed slightly sick yesterday, I hope he is okay.  
  
"That's it, Obi-wan, now just see if you can stand," the healer coaxes.  
  
I push myself off the bed, and slowly raise myself up. It hurts, but I can control it, at least for a little while. I finally settle my full weight on both legs. It hurts like Sith, but hey, healing has to hurt, I should know that by now.  
  
A feeling suddenly comes to me. Something is wrong. Not with me, but with.... Oh Sith!  
  
"Obi-wan, are you all right? You seem a bit pale. Maybe you had better sit down," the healer suggests.  
  
I ignore her question, "I think you should have someone check up on Master Jinn and my Ma... Xanatos Jinn," I say, fear is edging up into my chest.  
  
"I'll have someone check on Master Jinn, and I'll call about Xanatos. But you had better sit down before you collapse," she says.  
  
I sit back down on the bed, worry thrumming through my blood. She quickly settles me back into bed and she now leaves.  
  
What could be wrong with Qui-gon and my former Master?  
  
What could be wrong? I have been sitting here for what feels like hours wondering. I thought I heard a team of healers rush down the hall, but the healer here reassured me that nothing was wrong. Right, I don't believe that. Something is wrong, and I wish to know what it is!  
  
A massive pain has just gripped by chest. Letting out a wheezing scream, I collapse from the bed. The healer is rushing over here. What is wrong with me? Qui-gon, Master? Both? The pain is hitting harder, blackness is enclosing around me. Qui-gon! Master! I need to know what is wrong!  
  
//It's...all...right...Obi-wan,// the soft voice of my former Master drifts into my mind, he is in such pain.  
  
I cry out at the pain I feel from him. What is going on?   
  
//Master, what is wrong?// I sent quickly.  
  
//Chest hurts.... Father....// he trails off and I reach out to him, but I can't, because he is blocking me.  
  
"Obi-wan, are you all right?" the healer asks.  
  
"Need to find out about Qui-gon and Master," I gasp; the pain is coming back stronger.  
  
"Master Jinn and Xanatos Jinn have been found collapsed in their rooms! We need all the help we can get, since Master Jinn has stopped breathing and Xanatos is beginning to hit critical!" a healer yells from outside.  
  
The healer before me helps me up and back into bed before running outside to help. My worry grows as I listen to the yells and running outside, by heart clenching from both the pain and worry that I am feeling. What is wrong?  
  
The darkness is back, and I cannot fight it off. The pain grows in my chest, and my desperation grows. Suddenly the darkness floods my senses, and just as I loose all consciousness, I hear the sound of two heart monitors going flat....  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
"I don't understand you sometimes, Obi-wan! How foolish could you be!" my Master roared at me, he has never been this angry at me before.  
  
"I don't know! It just happened!" I protested.  
  
"Oh, it just happened?! You just happened to break that other boy's arm?!" he roared at me.  
  
"Bruck just got in the way to mess me up, if I hadn't of flipped backwards at the last moment, he might have been hurt worse. I didn't do it!" I said, backing away from him.  
  
"I am sure you didn't! Though it is well known that you hate him!" he growled as he advanced on me.  
  
"I don't hate him! We are just at a dispute, I swear!" I protested, fear growing within me.  
  
"Maybe I should give you a taste of what it feels like to break something," he snarled, towering over me.  
  
"No, please, Master!" I pleaded.  
  
I suddenly felt him reach out into the Force and my arm break in two. I screamed as the pain slammed into me.  
  
"Not enough? I shall show you more, boy," he hissed, and I felt my left leg shatter under me.  
  
I collapsed to the ground, screaming louder, and struggling to hold it in. My other leg shattered and I howled in pain. Oh Sith it hurt!  
  
"I am not finished yet. I won't let another one run around killing people," he murmured, and kicked me strait in the ribs.  
  
I heard them snap under his boot, but I couldn't draw breath to scream. He then seized my neck in his hands, and pressed down.  
  
//No, please, don't!// I pleaded before the world blacked out around me.   
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
"Master!" I yell as I come fully awake, to find the healer restraining me.  
  
"Obi-wan, it was just a dream," she sooths, and I feel the Force flow over me, sending the remembered pains away. I relax under her touch.  
  
Then it hits me.  
  
"What of my Master? What of Qui-gon?" I ask, and I fear the answer.  
  
"Master Qui-gon is in a coma, Obi-wan, and as to Xanatos Jinn, its best if I do not say for now," she whispers.  
  
My heart clenches in my chest, but I dare not answer. I fear I do not want to know. 


	7. 7

Sorry for the long wait, RL has been intense these past few weeks. I've only been able to write for the last few days. Here is the post. Thanks for all the reviews! :)  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
It is near night, and I can't stand it anymore! I must see Qui-gon, and I must find out what happened to my former Master! So I am getting out of this bed, no matter how much it hurts!   
  
Okay, first to sit up. So far so good. Now putting this foot down first. Ow! Got that one, now the next one. Doesn't hurt as much... Now to put weight on them both. Ohhh, that hurts, that really hurts, but I am standing! Now to walk. One step at a time, Obi-wan, just one step at a time.   
  
I am stumbling out into the hall, every small step is agony, But my will to find out what happened to my Master, former Master, and Qui-gon is stronger then any pain. But can I make it past the healer's station without being seen? Well, I used to do it when I was little, can't be that hard, now can it.  
  
I quiet my footsteps as best as I can and start to sneak through. I am ducking as I get to the desk and cover myself with the Force. I can crawl these last few feet, I can make it to the other side, I can get over the pain running through me!  
  
"Obi-wan Kenobi, what the Sith do you think you are doing out of bed?" a stern voice asks from above me.  
  
I look up, Sith my neck!, and try to smile.  
  
"Hello, Healer Neron," I say.  
  
She grabs the back of my ward robe and hauls me up.   
  
"You are going back to bed this second, Kenobi. I don't want to repeat what happened the last times you tried to escape," Neron says and raises a fine eyebrow.  
  
"I was not trying to escape." I protest, "I was just trying to see Qui-gon and my Mas... former Master."  
  
She looks as me, and I suddenly feel like a child caught trying to skip his nap. But my stubborn side is bubbling up, so I am going to try a desperate plan.  
  
"Please, Nee-Nee? I can't rest until I know what is going on," I plea, and give her the wide innocent eyes face while I give her my old nickname for her.  
  
She sighs, and rolls her eyes slightly. She isn't as mean as she looks, and I know that.  
  
"All right, Obi-wan. I shall show you where they are, and then you shall go strait to bed. Understand me?" she asks me sternly.  
  
"I promise, Healer Neron," I say.  
  
She nods and leads me down the hall to the critical wing. By the time she stops near a door, my legs are shaking with pain and over use. She looks over at me with concern flickering in her green eyes, and then she opens the door.   
  
I stumble in and my eyes adjust slowly to the dim lights. Two beds are in this room. Two beds holding such different people. Qui-gon is lying in the pale light on the right. He looks to be sleeping, but the whiteness of his skin, and the sunken look of his eyes tell different. His presence is weak, but pulsing with warm light. It almost overshadows the cold, dim one that is also in this room. I look toward my former Master, and my heart trembles. He lays there, his eyes wide open, his face drawn and pale. His long black hair is limp and damp with sweat, and from his lips I hear mutters of dark things that shake me to my core. I step forward, my loyalty torn. Who should I go to? Why are they both in the same room? What has happened?  
  
"Master Jinn's disease took a sharp turn early this morning. He collapsed in his rooms, and had you not asked us to check upon him, we may not have found him until it was too late. At the same time, Xanatos Jinn stopped breathing. The guards informed us of this, and we brought him up at the same time as Qui-gon. We tried to revive them, but we almost lost them both until we got Qui-gon to start breathing again. Then Xanatos followed suit, but he awoke then and this is how he has remained since. Qui-gon has remained in a coma sense," Neron says softly from behind me, and I can feel her hand upon my shoulder.  
  
"Will this change?" I ask.  
  
"We hope, Obi-wan," she whispers.  
  
We stand in silence for a moment, and then I feel her hand leave my shoulder.  
  
"Come, Obi-wan, you had best get back to bed," she says gently.  
  
I am too shocked to resist her gentle pull on my arm, and her guiding me back to my bed where I know this shall haunt me. 


	8. 8

Thank you all sooo much for your excellent reviews, they truly mean a lot to me! I am honored to have you all read my story, and I hope to continue to meet your wishes. Sorry for such a long wait. Here it is. :)  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
For the last few days, I have come and sat here, watching over Qui-gon, and my former Master. I still cannot decide whom my loyalty belongs to, but I feel it matters, as if the fate of them hangs upon my choice. I hate the weight of that choice upon my shoulders.   
  
My Master has almost always been kind to me. He has loved me and cared for me, always protecting me. He chose me when I was ten years old, one of the lowest boys in the class. But he didn't care if my skills were not up there; he was patient and nurturing, taking time to help me improve my skills. Even when I stumbled, he helped me up and gave me strength to do it again. But I always noticed something about my dear Master, he was always sad, and I always felt something dark and terrifying in him. And each time I asked him of it, he would turn away. In the end, that is what beat even his love for me, that barely controlled darkness. But I love him as my Father, the only Father I have ever had.  
  
Then there is Qui-gon, a man I just met a week ago. Kind, gentle, with that rough exterior around his heart. I didn't trust him in the beginning, like I did my Master, but Qui-gon won it, even after I had been betrayed. He acted like he hated being with me, but I picked up small things here and there that pointed to that he liked me. I wanted something from him, after I got to know him a little better, and it bothers me. I wanted his love, his trust, his comfort. He wasn't like a Father... But like a... I don't know... Kind of like a Father... but older. And when I found that my Master was his son who abandoned him? I wanted to take that place; I wanted to be his son, as I knew I wouldn't give up that bond so easily. But I can't describe why. Jedi are not supposed to want families or ties for that matter. The only tie is to the Jedi, and that is the only family we should have. But it's a lonely life.  
  
I look at both again, and tears trickle down my cheeks, not the first, and surely not the last.   
  
"I can't chose," I whimper.  
  
//Then perhaps you should not,// a whisper enters my torn mind, but it doesn't hurt.  
  
"What?" I ask softly, but receive no answer.  
  
But I think I understand. I stand from my chair, and walk over. Gently I take the warm limp hand of Qui-gon, and the icy cold hand of my former Master. I can feel the bond between them and I seem to fit in it like a missing link. But how is that possible?   
  
I know I don't have time, so I stretch forth with my battered mind, and touch both of theirs. Light and Dark swirl around me, and within me. I press on, with no response from either side. Nothing to indicate if I am doing anything right, but something tells me I am. Suddenly a flicker of feeling comes to me. Warm, loving, pain full. But which?  
  
//Master,// I send, and receive no answer, //Qui-gon?// nothing.  
  
Again that feeling, a little stronger, again I call, and again I receive nothing. Then another wave of feeling rolls over me, stronger, and now with a spark of sadness. Something reaches out to me.  
  
//Obi-wan?// a response comes to me, and it sounds feels like Qui-gon and my Master's voices have mixed into one.  
  
//I'm here,// I send.  
  
//Why?// the response comes.  
  
I stop for a second, that isn't the response I was expecting.  
  
//Because...I'm worried for you, both of you,// I send.  
  
A silence follows, and I fear I have said the wrong thing. What will I do if I lose them? I don't want to think of it, but it comes to be like a shadow over me. I can't lose either of them, even when one has hurt me horribly while professing to love me like his son, and the other has been so cold till recent.  
  
//Please, you both need to come back,// I plead.  
  
Warmth surrounds me. Qui-gon. But there seems to be more there, so much more then I could see, like a connection.  
  
//Shush, Obi-wan. I feel your pain, and I shall come, but I need your light to guide the way, little one,// he sends, and I feel a gentle touch to my mind.  
  
//But what about Master?// I ask.  
  
//I cannot reach him fully. Perhaps you can,// Qui-gon suggests.  
  
I mentally nod, and stretch forward, seeking my lost former Master.  
  
//Master?// I send, reaching for him, and finding only emptiness.  
  
Perhaps he has forgotten. That thought drifts to me without voice, and I wonder where it could have come from.  
  
//Xanatos,// I send instead, and something inside me wishes to call him something else, something closer then Master or Xanatos. But what could that be.  
  
//Its Obi-wan, Xanatos. I'm here to help you back,// I send, and again meet emptiness.  
  
But it suddenly seems colder here, yet still warmth is within me. I feel that is not only my own light, but another's guiding me on, telling me to call him.  
  
//Please answer me, please, Master!// I yell out into that void, and my heart fills with sorrow.  
  
I know I have lost him. And it hurts beyond imagine within me. Some may not understand, but I love him, deeper then most Padawan's love their Masters. To me, he was my Father.   
  
Wait, that is it. Maybe....  
  
//Father!// I cry out, letting my thought reach out into the darkest of this void.  
  
Silence.  
  
But yet...  
  
//Son?// a faint call comes to me, and my hope rises.  
  
//It's me, Father. Come back, please come back,// I plead.  
  
//I cannot find my way,// his despairing voice echoes in my mind.  
  
//Can you see me?// I ask, hoping that he can.  
  
//No...Wait! Is this you, my dear son?// he questions, and I can feel his warm/cold touch.  
  
//Its me, Father, its me. Come with me, I can't leave you here,// I send, returning his gentle touch, and then start back, only to find that he isn't following.  
  
//Come on, Father,// I plead.  
  
//I cannot. I have hurt you, and myself. I swore I never would. Not after what happened to your Mother,// he whimpers.  
  
Shock rolls through me. My Mother? Was he, could he, was he truly my real Father? Wouldn't that mean that Qui-gon was my Grandfather?  
  
The thought drives me speechless for a moment, and I feel him withdraw.  
  
//Father, I forgive you!// I cry, and had I the means to cry, I would.  
  
//Forgive?// he answers.  
  
//Yes, I forgive you, because I love you. Please, Father, I need you back. Please come with me,// I beg.  
  
Silence answers me, and its this silence that tears at me. Suddenly warmth comes to me, and I mentally smile.  
  
//Lead the way, and I shall follow, my son,// he sends.  
  
I then push on, back through the void to the life and warmth that is Qui-gon. He mentally embraces me, but backs away from Father.  
  
//Father,// Father sends.  
  
//Xanatos,// Qui-gon replies in return.  
  
//He knows,// Father sends.  
  
Qui-gon mentally nods, then directs himself to me, //Lead the way.//  
  
I go on, and soon began to feel the light of the world of the living. My body is waiting for me when I come back, and just as I come back to it, exhaustion washes over me. My head slumps as blackness takes me. 


	9. The End

And here is the end. Sorry it took me so long to dig this up and post it, even though its been finished for a fairly long time now. I know it looks like I've cut it short, but this was part of a small series of stories, and its sequel was never written. Perhaps I'll one day take this story lineup again.

Thanks for all your wonderful reviews! :)

The first thing to come to me is voices. Slowly I begin to make out whose voices they were.

"He knows, Jinn," my Master's voice drifts to me.

"The Force has told him. It is only right. You owe your son your life, Xanatos, as I owe him mine," Qui-gon's voice comes in.

"Sith, I've truly messed things up this time, Father. I nearly killed him," my Master, or should it be my Father?, says, and I can hear the tears trying to fall.

"You have, and there is nothing that can fix it. You are lucky he is his Mother's son, and that he forgave you. I still have not," Qui-gon's voice sounds so cold, I've never heard it like that.

"You never could forgive, and I shall never ask for it. I don't deserve it from anyone," Father says, and I suddenly feel a warm hand upon my cheek, "Less from him. Take care of him, Father."

"I will, as he is my grandson after all," Qui-gon, perhaps Grandfather, says, and I feel his gentle hand grasping mine.

Then I feel my Father's lips upon my forehead, and with one gentle kiss, he then leans to my ear.

"May the Force guide you, my little one," he whispers, then I hear him turn away.

"Goodbye, Father," he says.

I have to open my eyes; I have to see what is going on!

I force my eyes open, and look to see my Father at the window. He sees that I am awake and smiles sadly at me before jumping out. I can hear the roar of a speeder that must have been hidden from view, and then he rises on it and rides away.

Qui-gon turns to me, smiling sadly.

"How are you feeling, Obi-wan?" he asks, kneeling beside my bed.

"Well enough," I say softly, "Is he gone?"

"He is. I shall have to tell the Healers that he escaped while we are still out," I can hear the sorrow in his voice.

"Why did..?" I start to ask, but he interrupts me.

"Because, sadly, I love my son. And he had a reason, though it is a horrid one. He needs to find himself, and the grief will be punishment enough for your Father," he says softly.

"I know," I sigh, sorrow building in me.

"But that is for the Force and for him to decide upon. But here is something I may ask you, my grandson," he says, and smiles slightly, "Would you wish to grant this old man the privilege of being my Padawan?"

I look to him in shock, and then a smile pulls at my own lips. This would be the chance to get to know my grandfather, and complete my training...

"Yes," I say, reaching out to him.

Truly smiling now, he pulls me into a gentle hug.

"It shall be a hard road to recovery for you, Obi-wan, but we shall make it. In time the damage done will heal," he says in my ear.

But what of your own illness and pains, Qui-gon?

I push away the thought, not wanting to remind myself that I might lose him too. Looking back to the window, I wonder. Will my Father ever find redemption for himself? I do not know. But I hope he does.

May the Force guide you as well, Father, may it guide us all.


End file.
